A few weeks ago during a chat with a few friends, Christine began talking about her friend, Stacy, who is never happy unless she is in a relationship. She gets so depressed as soon as she becomes single and becomes temporarily happy again when she starts another relationship.
I cringed at the thought of feeling the same way as Stacy, especially when Megan said, “And it’s more common than you think.”
It upsets me whenever I hear about girls who feel so unhappy with their lives when they aren’t in a relationship. I’m sure that part of it is the messages that we get from society and media. In books and movies, you don’t have a happy ending unless the couple gets together in the end.
From talking with friends, I know that I am not the only one who feels like I have to defend the fact that I don’t have a problem with being single. And it seems like society expects women to be married by a certain age if they are going to be happy. A lot of girls have grown up with these types of messages, which I’m sure have influenced their ideas about relationships.
Insecurity is another reason girls cling to the idea of relationships. Some girls don’t feel comfortable enough with who they are and need validation to feel better about themselves. (Boys seek validation as well, but I think they do it in different ways.)
I think that insecurity and low self-confidence is a problem that our society doesn’t address enough. I feel like part of this is the whole reason behind my blog.
Since I started dating, I was never the type of girl to seek out a boyfriend. I was never as comfortable with myself as I am now, so I will admit that I have experienced insecurity in the past. Most people do. When I date someone though, it is because I want to date him, not because I need to date someone.
I don’t think this is limited to women. I know as many men as women who rely on relationships to feel fulfilled. In fact, I’m not convinced I’m not one of them.
I don’t think it’s celebrity culture or society’s influence though. I agree 100% that confidence in yourself is a major factor. I also think people are just really f-in lonely. Dating is fun, much more fun than being alone. You feel loved, you feel supported, you get to have lots of sex.
The fine line, of course, is balancing your desire for a relationship with your *greater desire to find a relationship you’ll find insanely fulfilling for the rest of your life…or the next few hours.
Whichever comes first.
I think you bring up an interesting point about how some people are really lonely and that dating is more fun than being alone. I think some people don’t realize though that not every relationship is going to make you feel loved and supported.
Instead, some people can feel just as alone when they are in a relationship as when they are not. They cling to the relationship because they think it will get better and because they are afraid of being alone. They are more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than they are in love with the person.
And I won’t deny that this idea is nice and it’s something that we all look for, but I guess, as you say, it is just a balancing act of knowing when you to put the desire to be happy and fulfilled before the desire for a relationship.
By the way, thanks for the guy’s perspective Tim!